Showing posts with label I Need A Second Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Need A Second Job. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Second Night At Work...

Some of you may know already.

I got a second job.

I'm not going to give you the name of the place, in case someone that works there winds up reading this. However, I'll tell you that it's a movie rental place.

Yeah, I work at a movie rental place.

It's a part time gig, for some holiday cash. And by holiday cash, I mean next years holidays. Being broke sucks about 8 different kinds of ass.

Anyway, my fist day went alright. The person I worked with was a little strange, and he wasn't even 21 yet, but I won't hold that against him. Had a bee in his bonnet about dark sci-fi stuff, and he wanted to write a book where the lead character had a lot of flaws, and used the quote, "Hollywood should be glad I'm not a writer. I have the perfect idea for a lead role."

Huh?

But yeah, I can deal with that. However, fast forward to night 2.

She went to school with me as a kid, but was older than me, so I never knew much about her. Anyway, she says, "I'm throwing you in the fire tonight. You're gonna do all the business yourself."

Alright.

We were busy, and shit got hoppin, and all the sudden I hear, "Oh my god, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

But they weren't talking to me. They were talking to my "trainer," who had smooth passed out on the floor, and was struggling into a sitting position.

Some people might have lost it there. But listen. I kept a cool head.

I kept right on helping customers.

That's right, bitches. I had a line.

I looked down at her and said, "You straight?" She kind of nodded. Or had a small seizure. I'm not sure.

But I just said, "Okay," and I kept helpin customers. Because of me not losing my cool, we came in 135% over budget on the day.

Turns out, she has some sort of hypoglycemia problem or something. Anyway, faints a lot. Like, just falls out. No warning, she just falls over.

I kind of think that should have been brought up on the first day, right?

"Listen Travis, the movies go left to right alphabetically, you should vacuum a bit after you close, the trash can is over here, oh, and the girl that works here sometimes falls over."

Right?

But that was overlooked. Damn HIPPA.

After that, we were about to close, and I was making small talk with a couple of the customers, making them laugh and what not. Imagine that, right?

Anygiggle, after they left, I said to her, "Hey, listen. I'm a joker and a comedian of sort. However, I know my limits and can tailor them to individuals."

She replied, "Yeah, be careful. You can make sexual harassment real easy."

SCREEEEEEEECH.

Cuse me?

Here I am, talkin about not making jokes to a customer not in the mood, and she's tellin me not to put them in THE mood by talking about whether or not there's any nudity in G-Force.

Oh, but it continued.

"One time, these guys stayed until the store was closed, and told me how hot my butt looked."

Ahem.

*polite chuckle*

Ahem.

Closing time couldn't come quick enough.

Other than that, I guess my only beef is that NO ONE brings their card with them to rent movies.

"Do you have your card?"
"Hell no. Why? Can't you just look it up? My last name is ...."
"Can you say that last name again please?"
"..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you."
"IT'S SMITH! S-M-I-T-H! SMITH!"

Seriously people. Can we find a happy medium on the volume level? I mean, yeah, I may be a little deaf. But still. You don't have to yell. You say it medium the first time, and chances are, I'll nail it.

Anyway, welcome to my new job, and I'm sure it's going to provide a lot of material for you guys.

For those of you new followers that replaced the fair weather guys, I welcome you to my blog. Feel free to stick around, check out some other posts. Stay a while.

I picked up some rooks from Supah yesterday, so y'all homebodies play nice.

{Update at 11:15 PM. Yesterday, Twitter had a trending topic called, #youknowyourfat. Bad grammar aside, I felt I had to comment on this, based on a situation that arose the other day, that some of you know about, but most don't, and for good reason. It involves losing a couple of followers, and I refuse to send extra traffic their way. Cause they're stupid. Anyway, I typed a response to the trending topic. "I am horribly upset and offended, what if there was a #yourknowyourgay topic?" Sarcasm people. Sarcasm, because of the situation you don't know about. But basically, because I called something "gay," they decided to use "big unitelligent Okie" as an insult. Which is fine with me, because honestly, who wants to be that? Anyway, I get this response about ten minutes later from @datniggaBiGDub. It said, and I quote directly:

"bro if yur fat yur fat lol im big too bro haha bt shit if yu dnt luv yurself 2 tha max. . . how yu expect lil shawty to feel yu??"

I followed him immediately. Becaus that, my blog friends, is real.}

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I REALLY Need A Second Job.

(I had this post all typed up today, then hit the publish button only to realize that I had disconnected from the Internets to type it up. It goes without saying...the post was lost. Also, I was pissed. So here is take 2, which will undoubtedly be less funny than the first. That's how the sugar free cookie crumbles.)


It has come to my attention that I have too much free time.

This discovery happened last night at around 7:30 when I turned to The Missus and said, "It looks like I'm gonna be in bed by 8 again."

No answer. Because she was already asleep on the couch.

I'm not sure what the word is to describe us, but I think "pathetic" does it nicely.

Folks, I am 26 years old, with no kids, my job is not stressful, I don't get up at 4 in the morning to go to said job, and I don't have insomnia. Every once in a while I'll cut a mean fart in bed that will keep me up for 10 minutes or so, you know, to appreciate it, but that's about it.

Last night made 2 out of the last 3 nights that I've gone to bed at 8. It's getting ridiculous.

It's not like we have the money to just go out on the town, and even if we did, Wagoner, OK is not known for it's swanky night life. The Taco Bell stays open till 11, but if you go anytime after 9, they'll say they're out of beans, meat, cheese and tortillas.

So here is what I need. A second job. Nothing that keeps me out late, but something that keeps me up until a reasonable fracken bed time. Instead of actually looking for a job though, I am going to make a list of things I'm good at, as well as things I'm bad at, and you all are going to process it, then call any relatives you might have down here, and tell them to hire me. A bonus to this is, if I have a second job, I will probably have funny things happen to me, which will in turn bring a lot of joy to you, the reader.

Here goes.

Things I'm good at:


Fishing
Eating
Pooping
Giving my opinion
Borrowing money
Pizza buffets
Having diabetes
Using chopsticks
Making you laugh
The lovin
Being fat
Watching T.V.
Sitting for long periods
Kicking kittens and old people
Biting things
Yelling
Cooking
Sunburning
Spelling

Things I'm bad at:


Being skinny
Having low blood sugar
Running
Eating cauliflower
Multiplication with a number over 11
Division with any number bigger than 0
Subtraction
Algebra
Geometry
Calculus
Credit checks
Drinking
Physical labor
Mental labor
Keeping my mouth shut
Not laughing

There ya have it. That's my lists. Chew on those things, then call your uncle/aunt/grandmother/grandfather/mom/dad/sister/brother/friend/best friend/guy from high school/girl from high school/girl you banged once but kind of like because she had a cute body, but she also had a kid which made you wonder whether or not she was just wanting a daddy for her baby/guy you banged once but you kind of like because he was...ahem...blessed, but he also had that funny bump not really ON anything, but kind of close so you don't know whether or not it's really safe and you're STILL waiting on those test results, and tell them you have the man for the job.

Unless that job is eating cauliflower. You get me that job, I will come and bite you.

That's real.

(You have less than 7 hours to get your questions in for Meet the Missus! Go HERE to ask them, or just send me an email! I NEED MORE QUESTIONS!!!)