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Kid Funk’s Birthday

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Alright. I’m gonna do 2 posts in one night here, because it has been a rather fun and eventful 2 days. First imma tell you about Kid Funk’s birthday party.

I had fingerprint powder spilled in my backseat. I’m not gonna go into why, so don’t ask. Anyway, it’s there. Last night, we picked up Kid Funk, and The Missus did her best to clean it up and out. Then we went to get his date.
I’ll let him tell you stories about the date if he wants to, but suffice it to say, I don’t think she had a good time. For starters, I’d been after him about using this opportunity to go eat some sushi. I heart sushi. There is a great place in Tulsa that has all you can eat sushi, and I regularly like to go in and shut them down. They always make it super cold when I go in, just to run me off. What they don’t know is, the whole time I’m shovelin raw fish and rice down my gullet, I’m jackin up my blood sugar, which is making me hotter, which makes the AC feel even better! Suck on that, Fuji!
Anyway, then we went to the Hard Rock Casino in Catoosa. He had heard about this ice bar that they have from a what turned out to be a misinformed co-worker. The ice bar wasn’t open. So we went to this hoppin little joint in the casino called Friction. I swear to all that is holy and pure, they had the biggest retards behind this bar. To start out, they just ignored us. Wouldn’t even look our way. Then, when The Funk yelled at a dude, and gave him our drink order (2 Long Island ice teas and a shot of Sailor Jerry) the kid just holds his hands up and says…”I’m not a bartender, and I don’t have any idea what you just asked for.” Cheese and rice. Get the freak out from behind the bar then!
Upon getting our drinks, The Missus goes to gamble, and Kid, his date and I went to find trouble. Not really. Actually, we just went to find The Missus. We found her, and then we went to find the Hard Rock Tower. The thing is, we couldn’t find it anywhere, and no one knew what we were talkin about even though there were signs for it everywhere! We finally find some elevators, and after trying 2 that didn’t work, we get in a third that takes us to the 19th floor. This floor contained nothing but contractors and building stuff. The Missus and The Date head back down, which as it turns out, was a great thing. Funk and I walk around a bit, then decide to leave. He pushes the button. Nothing. 10 minutes later, we kinda start freakin out. We’d both had a little sauce, ya know? Anyway, I got some pictures of him…

That’s him pushin a button, and him givin the blog readers and his fans the peace. If you look in the background of the first one, you can see all the speakers for the 19th floor. We finally called his date, and they rode the elevator up from the ground floor to rescue us. Thanks ladies!
Then it got interesting. We go to leave, and this guy that Funk had addressed briefly in the bar finds him again. Another picture, you ask? Okay.

You can’t see it in the picture, but what turned out to be his gay friend had a fanny pack. He started asking Funk if either of the ladies was his wife, and then when he said no, the guy proceeded to ask if he was single. Funk made it clear that he had a date, and then I bailed him out by saying I really needed to leave. As we were leaving the parking lot, we saw the guy, and I rolled down my window and told him that my friend told him bye. I’m a great guy, eh?
The BEST MOST PERFECT PART OF THE NIGHT?!?!? The following rant that I got from Kid Funk at 1 AM this morning…
Man… I wish I could show you how dirty my ass was in the exact pattern of your seat. I took a picture, but there is no justice. There’s barely enough in the late message for the fact that 3 people didn’t tell me I was walking around with an ass full of dirty diamond shaped checkers (diagonal) on my birthday of all days. That’s dirty diamond shape checkers on my ass when a guy is hittin’ on me lame. He probably saw my pants and thought, “this guy takes it somewhere, look at the dirty diamond shaped checkers all over his ass.” I’m just sayin…Maybe he was just trying to get friendly enough to say “Hey man, your friends aren’t gonna tell you… I know its friends because those chicks aren’t your wife. You’ve got dirt, all over you, in like, diamond shaped patterns.” You couldn’t say something like that to someone unless you knew where they were from…
Folks, I laughed so hard at this, I almost literally pissed myself. Remember that fingerprint powder? Yeah…