[Do you have any idea what time it is? Any idea at all? Have you seen the picture below these words? Those 2 elderly people wrapped in a lovers embrace… That’s right, my faithful fans. It’s TMI Time. You can’t stop it, and you know you’re gonna keep reading. You also know you’re gonna click LiLu’s name there, or the picture of the old people, and go read more and more stories that will disgust you, and/or change your opinion of a few people, maybe even me. So plow on, risky reader, and be rewarded!]
So the other day during softball, I felt a burning sensation in my groin.
Now, I haven’t been having sex with hookers, and I know I can’t get the clap from a toilet seat, so I decided to do some investigation.
After talking with an old coach about it, (no he didn’t “take a look”) I came to the conclusion that I must have given myself a hernia. Between playing softball and starting to lift weights again, I figure it’s possible.
So I walked around a couple days with this fire in my bits because I refuse to go see a doctor. I’ve felt this pain before, and it’s gone away before, so I decided to just let it ride, and maybe it would get better.
So the other day, I was in the shower, and I was washing “things.” All the sudden, I get an idea! I’m going to check myself out. Kind of like feeling for a lump, but different, because my hand is on my testicles.
It can’t be too hard, right? (TWSS) I mean, I had a couple in high school, and aside from that awkward situation with the female doctor, it all seemed pretty routine. Guys, are you with me on this? The doctor cups, asks you to turn your head, then cough. It’s always the awkward cough, too. The kind of cough that says “I currently have a mans gloved hand on my balls, and he won’t even let me look at the situation.” That kind of cough. It’s unique, really. The only time it changes is when it’s a lady doctors hand there, and even then it’s just a higher pitch.
So here I am in the shower, and I decide, “Hell, I can do this.”
So I position myself.
Cash and Prizes: Check.
Turn Head: Check.
“OH MY GOD IS THAT A LUMP? DID SOMETHING JUST MOVE? OH MY GOD DO I HAVE A HERNIA?!?”
“Nope, it’s just a testicle.”
I’m proud to say that I’m hernia free. I mean, If I did it right. Why pay another man to feel you up when you can just do it yourself? I’m proud to say that the pain has subsided, and I think my diagnosis is correct. If it returns though, I think I may have to spring for the ol professional hand, if you know what I mean. I have to say, it’s rather easy just checking things out myself, though.
I wonder what I’ll do when it comes prostate time?