Ego: Dude, did you see that?
Me: What? Were there boobs? What?
Ego: Dude, we just got 50 comments on that shitty post. Did you say boobs?
Ego: Yeah we did. I’m the shit, did you know that? I mean, you shit yourself, mostly. But me, I’m the nipples.
Me: Yeah, we all know you’re the “nipples.”
Ego: Did you just air quote yourself whilst talking to yourself?
Me: Man. I guess I did. You make me do stupid things, Ego. You’re a doucher.
Ego: You’re a doucher. I make people laugh.
Me: Listen, I really think we should thank all those people that commented.
Me: Well, you know, if it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t be so big I need a suitcase to carry you around in.
Ego: What? Who you callin big, fatty?
Me: You know damn well who I’m callin big. You. You occupy the Central and Eastern time zones.
Ego: Yeah man, and I’m stuck in both with your ass.
Ego: Yeah it was.
Me: Anyway, I’m telling them thank you.
Ego: No dude. And here’s why. The second you tell them that, they’ll realize what they’re doing, and they’ll leave you. Straight up.
Me: What? Did you just admit to having a weakness?
Ego: What?! Naw man. I’m just sayin.
Me: You have some serious issues, you know that?
Ego: Like what?
Me: I am starting to suspect that you’re nothing but a little emo kid, crying out for attention.
Ego: Well then why don’t you get me a razor blade?
Ego: No, not seriously, shithead.
Me: Don’t call me a shithead.
Ego: Then don’t act like one, and try to psycho-analyze me and stuff.
Me: I’m just sayin. I think they need to be thanked, and the behavior encouraged so that they come back and do it again.
Ego: They’ll be back. You wanna know why?
Me: Your magnetic personality and humbly cheerful disposition?
Ego: Shithead. No, because I’m the n…
Me: The nipples? Yeah, you said that.
Me: You call me that one more time, and I’m going to get a razor.
Pain Tolerance: Hey Ego, shut your damn mouth!
Ego and Me: Pussy…
So yeah… That conversation actually took place. I was so excited yesterday as the comments climbed higher and higher towards 50, and I just want to take this time to say…
Have a happy Friday, and a great weekend! I’ll probably be back tomorrow with a Conversation with Kid Funk.
I’m also kickin around the idea of a “Meet My Brothers” set of posts soon. Is that something you’d like to see? It might actually involve participation, which I know can scare y’all more than white person whose remote gets stuck on UPN on a Tuesday night.
“And we always say, ‘It would be, good to go away, someday.’ But if there’s nothing there to make things change, if it’s the same for you, I’ll just hang.” -Matchbox 20