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Memoir Monday: The Tyra Show.


(Hey y’all. This little thing is called Memoir Monday, and I’d be thrilled if you gave it a shot. Just jot down a story about yourself, grab my code down there, and I’ll link you up to be read by all my wonderful blog buddies. The only rule? It has to be true. I am personally doing what I can to help cure your case of the Mondays. Thanks for playing along!)image
By now, you’ve probably all heard about my pseudo celebrity status on the Tyra Banks show.
For those of you new to the blog, here is a brief rundown of how I got on the show.
I get an email from Tamara over at Cheapskate Mom about how the Tyra show is looking for cheapskates for their show. My guess is, they googled cheapskate, and saw her blog, then asked her to be on the show, to which she declined, because she’s a giant freaking pansy very modest and non assuming person.
She did however, give them my email addy and said, “Hey, you want cheap and the perfect person, check this guy out.” It was all downhill from there.
When I first found out about it, I thought it was a very elaborate prank. When I realized it was serious, I came to the understanding that this might be my only chance to ever be on TV, and so I ran with it. I called The Missus, explained it all to her, and then I got the call from the associate producer.
I was pretty worked up, and I have to say, I played them pretty well. I embellished when things needed to be touched up, and I was very high energy through the phone calls. Hell, I’m pretty sure I had my “spirit fingers” going with whatever hand wasn’t holding the phone.
The lady told me she was going to call The Missus, so I immediately called her when I hung up the phone so we could corroborate stories. The Missus laid it on them, and from there, we were told they had to check with another producer, but that they loved our story. The producer called back, The Missus gave an Oscar worthy phone performance, tears included, and we were on our way to New York for the “I Have the Cheapest Mate in America” show.
They flew us out there for an evening, then we were to tape the show the next morning,then we were going to leave the next day. Not much time for sight seeing. Flying over NYC was one of the coolest things I have ever done, and I would do it over and over again. Within 10 minutes of landing I had pissed off my first New Yorker, who happened to be our driver, by saying I liked the Yanks instead of the Mets.
On the radio the entire time we were driving into Manhattan, they kept saying that the blizzard of 10 was on the way, and that there were no flights expected to get out the next day. This caused us a brief bit of panic, because we didn’t know if our gracious hosts were willing to set us up with another nights hotel stay and some meal money. After all, we were there because I am so cheap, right? The blizzard did hit the next day, and they did give us more eating money and another night in the hotel, as well as change our flight around, which gave us a chance to see Chicago and New Jersey, which they can keep.
I won’t go into details on the NY sight seeing. All I’ll say is if you haven’t been there, go. Folks, it felt like I was home for the first time in my life. I would live there in a minute if The Missus would move with me. I love it. We soaked as much of it in as we could, took hundreds of pictures, then got some sushi, and went to bed in a twin size bed, because they had booked us a room with two beds.
The next morning, we went to tape the show. Getting into the studio itself was a chore, they made us surrender any cameras, phones, or any kind of recording devices, and they had two rather large bodyguards frisk us before we went it. I’ll tell you this, I am under contract not to slander or defame the show. So I won’t do that, but the number one question I have gotten since our return has been, “Was Tyra nice?” Her crew was amazing. They were hospitable, they were friendly, they were professional. But can you tell me the last time anyone looked at you and said, “Hey, so and so supermodel is so NICE!” Bet you can count that on an amputated hand…
Did we lie about some things to get on TV? Yes we did. Am I really that cheap? No I’m not. Hell, I just bought a PS3 and a new TV. Do we spend 5 hours every week grocery shopping with thousands of coupons that I make my wife steal the internet to get? That coupon book wasn’t ours, the shopping trips last about an hour, and we are now the proud owners of our very own internet signal.
They edited the show down a lot, because at one point, the “financial advisor” said that we should get rid of my truck and carpool together to our separate jobs in SEPARATE FREAKING CITIES. That just wasn’t good advice. They also took out EVERYTHING that had to do with my blog. Everything. That really pissed me off, because I gave some shout outs.
Essentially, they made it sound like I was the worst husband ever. Which is exactly what The Missus and I led them to believe. So I can’t play the blame game. Instead, what I can tell you is this:
After the segment was over, and I mean RIGHT AFTER Tyra said, “We’ll be right back,” she got up, walked across the stage, and said, “I need powder on my forehead.” We were ushered quickly off the stage and into the green room, and nine and a half minutes of my fame was over. Someone owes me five and a half minutes. That was the last time I ever saw Tyra Banks. We never saw her before the show, and we didn’t see her after.
I really don’t know why I expected anything different.
I’ve asked The Missus to give me her thoughts on the experience in general:
“It was a lot of fun, we got to experience a lot of stuff. The show was a disappointment, it was too much business and not enough enjoyment. I’d really like to go back without the snow, and with more money to shop.”
There you have it folks. The juicy details, the behind the scenes look, the dirty truth. If you have any questions, ask them in the comments, I’ll answer them, unless it will put me in jeopardy of being sued, which I might be already. That’s okay though, y’all got my back…right? Start sending attorney fees my way!

Other Non-Televised Walks Down Memory Lane This Week: (GO READ THEM!)

Momma Fargo’s Memoir Monday: With TV Travis!

Madmother’s Memoir Monday: Anzac Day: Lest We Forget.

Juicebox’s Memoir Monday: Prom Style

Daffy’s Memoir Monday: Jose Can You Sing?

That One Mom’s Memoir Monday: Becoming An Only Parent; Part 5.

Erin’s Memoir Monday: My Fear Of Flying (not Erica Jong’s), Or Why Pan Am Went Down. (Literally)

Lauren’s Memoir Monday: The First Time I Changed The Bumper On My Car.

Annie’s Memoir Monday: The Ties That Bind.

Dame Nuisance’s Memoir Monday: Puking Drunk.

Angel’s Memoir Monday.

Ed’s Memoir Monday: It’s Amazing I Can Still Count To Ten.

Kate’s Memoir Monday: A Walk On The (Culinary) Wild Side.

Taylor’s Memoir Monday: He Could Have Been A Mafia Legend.