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The Fisher of Stories



Yesterday my wife and I began the Whole30 food program. I hate to think of it as a diet, it’s more of an eating change.

The basic tenements of the program can be found here.
We didn’t really have the groceries on hand to begin the right way, but I have a couple of Yeah Write buddies who are in on it, and I wanted to give them some support.
I weighed on Sunday. I am 324 pounds. I have man tits. My gut is enormous. I’m currently taking three medications for diabetes (Metformin, Glyburide, and Invokana), a pill for blood pressure, and a pill for a fatty liver, as well as an antidepressant.
Something has to give.
So yesterday was Day One.
I had two poached eggs for breakfast. That was it. That was a poor decision on my part, but it’s what we had. For lunch, tuna. No seriously, that’s it, tuna with pickles. I ate that meal in the teacher’s lounge and wanted to cry afterwards.
I was mean to students, moody, and determined to go get groceries for a better dinner. So when I left school, that’s what I did.
Dinner was sirloin steak, sliced thin with mushrooms, garlic, and a sauce made from beef stock, fish sauce, and oregano. My god it was amazing. I put the larger portion in a container for lunch today. That was a difficult thing to do.
I also made clarified butter, which is something I’ve never done before. Something else I did was buy only myself dinner, and didn’t get anything for my wife and kids. Alicia pointed this out to me when she got home, and because we’ve begun depriving our bodies of things it thinks it needs, she pointed that out to me in a rather angry fashion.
I had a church league basketball game last night, and my performance was awful. Not that it has even been grand (not since high school), but I missed every shot I took and airballed a three. Embarrassing.
Even tougher was coming home. I was starving (or so I thought), and I wound up eating plain salsa (Whole30 approved) and pistachios. I went to bed hungry, but (sorry for being personal) I got laid, and that helped a lot. It also helped that Villanova beat UNC in the National Championship game.
Today is Day Two, or Day Twenty-Nine, depending on my mood. I’m going to try to post every single day, even if it’s just words and no pictures. I’ve accidentally discovered that food photographs way better when it’s healthy, and so I’d like to document that for you guys.
I also don’t plan on posting anything on public Facebook until the deed is done. Then I’ll post the link to Day One, and people can follow it through.
Well, let’s do this thing.

Day Two

I’m typing this while laying down in my bed because I can’t hold my arms in an extended position for any length of time.

I just had my first workout with my new personal trainer, Mr. Brian Kizzia of Fort Gibson.

Some of you might remember the little “Journey through the Xs” I made a couple of years ago. You know, the one where I lost 73 pounds in about 13 weeks, taking me from 370 pounds to 297.

A look at “The Shirt” pics that I took over the course of the year.

I was losing weight. The Missus was losing weight, even Kid Funk was losing weight. I was happy. I was working hard, but I was happy.
When the moment of “under 300” came, I was thrilled. I lambasted Facebook with pictures and joyous outbursts, and swore I would never again rise above that dreaded weight.
Then the next week I weight 301 pounds.
I was devastated.
From there I spiraled out of control, trying to desperately to contain the damage, but I had lost all hope on the inside. Eventually, I gave up trying, and the next time I bothered to weigh I tipped the scales at 363 pounds.
That was January 1, 2012.
I made a New Year’s Resolution, and I busted my tail for about 3 months. I dropped about 30 pounds, then…I gave up again.
Today is December 31, 2012.
The Stats:
Height: 5’11″Weight: 353.6 lbs

My measurements. I don’t need any comments about my right bicep being bigger. I’ve worked on that since I was 12.

Currently I am taking 4 prescription medications:
Metformin 1500 mgs a dayGlyburideLisinoprilFenofibrate
These drugs control my Type II Adult Onset Diabetes, my blood pressure, and my liver enzymes.
I am, to put it mildly, in bad shape.
If I had to guess, my daily caloric intake ranges from 4000-7000 calories, and aside from a few heated games of Call of Duty per week, I lead a very sedentary lifestyle.
In short, just like every other male in the Sloat family, I’m on track to die before I turn 40.
A few weeks ago, I asked Brian if he would work with me in return for a little publicity. He agreed, and we’re going to work together to make a new Travis Sloat in 2013. He’s preparing a meal plan, he’s going to train me in cardio and weight lifting, and in general be the bane of my existence for the next couple of months.
I’ve agreed to go 100% with him through the month of January, and given him my word that I will stick to a food plan, in order to show people what an actual diet and exercise “diet” can do.
Now here’s what you can do.
You can head here and “Like” my Facebook page. There you can see in-depth the struggles and successes of my previous journey, and the new one.
You can head here and “Like” Brian’s Facebook page. If you are interested in having him help you out, you can contact him. If you want to wait to see what he does with me, that’s fine too.
And, starting tomorrow, if you see me out and about, and I’m eating something I shouldn’t be, I want you to punch me in the face. No questions, just slap the food from my hands and punch me in the face.
Then run away. Because I for sure can’t catch you in the shape I’m in now.

I am receiving a discount in return for these publications. All opinions expressed are my own, and all results you see will be real and not modified in any way. These blogs in no way correspond with any other writing I do in a professional capacity.
(Hey guys and gals. It’s Memoir Monday time! This is where you write down a story about yourself, steal my button down there, drink a beer, and call it all a win. The only rule is that it has to be true, other than that, there are no rules. I keep getting more and more people to follow my lead! It’s catching on! Will YOU be one on the bandwagon this week? Once you post, let me know, and I will link you up down there for all my kick ass bloggy followers to go and read! Y’all are the greatest, and I love you. If you want to see all the Memoir Monday posts, just click on the book!)


Well folks…

I made it 48 hours on the diet of ’10.

As it turns out, a lot of you were right.

Go ahead.

Tell me I told you so.

I’ll listen out one ear while I stuff the other one with areosol cheese in a desperate attempt to somehow make up the calories for those 48 hours of restricted hell on earth.

It was brutal y’all.

Did you READ my Sesame Street post? I was still drunk. I was still drunk because a.) I had a half a bottle of Jager, some Vodka, and a bunch of beers the night before, and b.) I hadn’t had anything else on my stomach to soak that booze up.

I just want to thank everyone for their support, and you’ll be glad to know that I’ve modified the diet to include food. I’m still going to be exercising though, although I forgot to do that yesterday.


Since I know that some of you will want to how it all ended, I will tell you.

I almost fell over, and I got real cold. I think my sugar probably got low. And by low I mean normal, since I don’t think I’ve ever been low in my life.

We had a gift card to Chili’s where we went and I proceded to eat an approximate metric ton of chips and salsa.

How hungry was I?

A kid (the same kid that made me watch Sesame Street, as a matter of fact) threw up somewhere in the neighborhood of a gallon and a half of mucus AT THE TABLE, INTO THE CHIP TRAY.

No. I didn’t eat a chip out of it after that, but for sure, I asked for another chip tray, and made even shorter work of it. The queso happened to look exactly like the above mentioned mucus, and do you think that slowed me down? Nope. Eat on, Big T.

Anyway, yeah. It’s over.

Other Non-Cheating Buffets Of Memories Today…GO READ THEM!

Alex’s Memoir Monday: MEMOIR Monday.

Kys’ via Kimi: Memoir Monday: Lesbian Dating Edition.

Greg’s Memoir Monday.

Josh’s Memoir Monday: Rollin’

Angel’s Memoir Monday

Shany’s Memoir Monday

Carol’s Memoir Monday: To Be Or Not To Be…

Nany’s Memoir Monday: A Little Diet Help For You Squeamish Types.

Juicebox’s Memoir Monday: What To Talk About When You Don’t Have Anything To Talk About.

LMJ’s Memoir Monday: Mom’s Flying Button.
Yesterday’s post was kind of crazy, eh?

I think I was still a little boozed up.

Anyway, yesterday was day one of The Diet.

I had 655 calories. I didn’t exercise because I was hung over and drunk.

To be honest, it wasn’t near as bad as I thought it would be. I wasn’t hungry much, and I didn’t have any kind of pain or headaches. I really think that will come later though.

I’ve done some research and I found out that if you eat 500 or less calories a day, you’ll lose 21 pounds a week. That’s kind of encouraging for me.

Thank y’all for all the support and encouragment and mothering that you’ve done. I just want to tell you that I am being VERY careful, and I swear, if I feel light headed or faint of just generally hungry, I’ll high tail it a Chinese buffet.

I hope your new year started out better than mine, which started at work, and listening to my co-worker saying at least 10 times, “I could have made Paranormal Activity on my laptop.”

Can one of y’all just send me about $600 a month so I don’t have to work 2 jobs? That’d be cool.

Thanks. See you back tomorrow for day 2!