So I’ve been up for about 2 hours now, I’m working on about 5 hours of actual sleep, and I’ve already written 2200 words for my novel.
I know. I’m the greatest. I expect you to say that, as today is my birthday, and I get what I frickin want. (Ed, I want those damn nudey pics you promised me. Daf, I want you to interpret this whole post into sign language. Jeff, I want you to write me a song. AG, I want a birthday poem.) There. That should get everyone started.
In all seriousness though, last night I went out with some friends for a “Halloween” party. I was invited because I told them I’d drive. I told them I’d drive because it meant I’d get to stay sober while they got drunk. I knew this would be rewarded with a great amount of fun, and I was also promised free entry into a bar in which ladies may or may not remove their clothing. (The Missus knew…)
So I’ve acquired this little list of quotes that were made last night. I tweeted them all out live, and since Daf and I were chatting all night, she got to hear some of them, but I know that a lot of you haven’t moved into this century and have a Twitter. Get your twat on, people. Seriously. And if you do decide to Twatter a bit, you can follow me, and I will follow you. Just click the link on the side near the bottom.
Here, in no certain order, are the quotes.
“I’m on Itunes, bitches!” -This was yelled by a very drunk Kid Funk every 5 minutes in the club. He actually is on Itunes, and yeah, I’m gonna get a link up here eventually.
The word “thigh brow” was used. As in, she totally had a thigh brow. I didn’t ask for a definition.
“The Crow technically could have been a zombie, because he came back to life…”
“I picked a lot of people off before I ever even set foot on the rubber.”
“I was looking forward to drunk Metallica.”
“Comparing HD to Blu-Ray is like comparing Beta Max to VHS.”
“First down, Phillies!”
“I don’t need any more face! I’ve got a lot of face!”
“I would do it with a Jew if she looked like that. I would tell her I loved Jesus while I was doin it with her.”
“If at any point in the night you wanna flick a tittie, you can flick mine.”
“Now I’m falling down the wall. That’s great.”
“Being a stripper, and no one coming up and tipping you, has to be like getting picked last in dodgeball.”
“Somebody is going to have to direct me to where we parked.”
“If I knew where the car was, I’d just go stand by it.”
So yeah. I was in charge of 4 drunk people, one of which is a really super cool guy that wound up getting so drunk he passed out in the club, then threw up all over the floor. Then the whole ride home he wanted to touch me. Heck, the whole ride to the club he wanted to touch me. I told him specifically not to touch me. I should have just whipped his ass. (It was not Kid Funk)
However, upon exiting my vehicle, Kid Funk did fall out of my truck. On his face.
On a side note, the flicking tittie quote did not come from me. None of these did. The reason that got said was because the last time we took this super cool guy somewhere, he got drunk, started dancing with a girl, and just started reaching out and flicking her on the breasts. She didn’t like it, so he got mad and flipped her off. She didn’t like that even more, so he moved into a combination trying to flick her boobies and flipping her off. Yeah…
Not a classy guy.