(Ladies and Gents, once again, I’ve picked up some newbies. I’d like to welcome them all aboard! All of them should know about TMI Thursday, invented by the ever popular “cool chick” LiLu. For those of you who don’t know about it, well, now is your chance to leave. It’s where I tell a very embarrassing or personal story about myself. If you aren’t thoroughly disgusted, click on the picture of those two old people having more fun than you did last night. She’s got more. Don’t say you weren’t warned!)
Ladies, feel free to skip down a bit, I need to talk to the gents.
Just go here. Seriously. Click anywhere here.
Right. Okay guys, here’s the thing. You totally have my permission to try this line. Like, see if it works for you, and if it does, we’ll have a meeting and figure out how we can incorporate this knowledge into every mans life.
Ladies, y’all can start reading again.
I was 14 years old, and I had not yet seen the movie, Arachnophobia.
I had a best friend at the time who had rented it on video, and he was going to be watching it that night with his family.
He had an older sister, let me tell ya, she was smokin hot. Smokin. Cute little blond girl, I believe at the time she was dating a 68 year old man. Anyway, she was fine.
So naturally I wanted to go see the movie with him, stay the night at his house, stay the day over at his house, etc.
So I lied to the parents, and went over for the movie.
I led a sheltered life, so I hadn’t seen many “scary” movies.
Well, thanks to seeing this one at the age of 14, I still hate spiders.
Anyfear, I was laying on my stomach watching the movie, and the older sister ran her hand up my leg, doing two things. Scaring the baby Jesus clean out of me, and instantly giving me a boner.
Like, I kind of raised up in the air a little bit out of fright, but stayed that way because of the erection. Guys, you know what I’m talking about, right? Ladies, just picture a pneumatic jack sort of thing.
Anyway, my little devious mind went to work.
Older sis had to take me back home that night, and I called shotgun.
My friend climbed in the back.
My mind was still firing on all 4 hormone driven cylinders.
Finally, I had an idea.
I carefully arranged myself, and then said, “Wow. That movie has me jumpy. I’m feeling spiders all over the place. Even this feels like a spider.”
She said, “What’s that?”
My mind nearly blew as I felt the nibble. By this time I was as hard as a calculus test given by Stephen Hawking.
“Give me your hand.”
SHE GAVE ME HER HAND.
I took her hand, and I placed it firmly on my man bit.
I took my hand away.
SHE TOTALLY KEPT HER HAND ON MY WIENER.
Dude. I was stoked.
She left it there for a few seconds, and there may have even been some light stroking. It was a frick frackin miracle I didn’t put a shot straight through her windshield.
I kept it reigned in though.
She laughed about it, removed her hand, and continued driving.
The entire time, my best friend was trying to look up in the front seats and asking “What’s going on? What’s going on?”
I’ll never forget the response from the older sister.
“This is front seat stuff. It’s not for people in the back seat.”
For. The. Win.
Guys, you have your homework.
Ladies, since you probably cheated and saw the assignment, let us know. Would his work on y’all?