I started hearing about it sometime last week. “Rebecca Black this, Rebecca Black that. She’s going to be on the news, she’s started her own Twitter account, she’s taking the nation by storm.” Last week was a busy week, so I immediately filed her name under the portion of my brain marked “Things to Google,” along with the earthquake in Japan, the last person Chris Brown punched, and those pole dancers for Jesus.
When I decided I wanted to know a little more, I talked with Mandy about it. She said, and I quote: “Once you see it, it can’t be unseen.” So I pulled up youtube, settled back in my chair, and allowed the following lyrics to wash over me in a see of auto-tuned and mono-rhythmic chaos.
(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after … wards
I don’t want this weekend to end
R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin’ forward to the weekend[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/friday-lyrics-rebecca-black.html ]
Upon hearing the song AND watching the video, I came to the following conclusion. Anyone under the age of 15 that tries to make music should be shot in the face. The ONLY people I’d let slide on that law would be Taylor Swift and that Billy what’s his nuts kid that was big in country music until he hit puberty. You know, the one that sang about bullying before it was cool to kill yourself over being bullied. The “One Voice” kid. He was a mother lovin lyrical genius, and he made you THINK. Taylor Swift speaks for herself, and she does it beautifully. What is she now, 13? 14? Has to be that, she’s still an A-cup.
Anyway, I’m going to do sort of a lyrical breakdown of the song “Friday,” and once again explain to you just why music sucks so much now.
1. “Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs.” – This has to be blamed on the bombardment of vaginal cleansers on the market today. There’s no other explanation for it, and now these young girls are feeling pressured. It’s sad, really. Unless of course I’m misinterpreting that whole phrase.
2. In the video, she’s gonna have to ride the bus, but apparently she has some legal driving age buddies that pull up right behind the bus. Like they’re just following the bus to school, just to torment the kids getting on the bus because they can drive and the other kids can’t. That’s bullyin, y’all, and I won’t stand for it. Neither would that little Billy kid. Anyway, she’s got this dilemma. Should she take the bus or hop in her friend’s overcrowded convertible? In my opinion, if she spent more than 1 second or syllable thinking about it, I’m out. I’ll leave her in the dust, and hopefully the bus driver would too. Shoot, then she’s singing while she’s walking, and that’s tough.
3. All I have to say about the chorus is this: She ain’t lyin. I sing this song every Friday, and I can tell you that I am personally looking forward to the weekend. It’s Saturday right now, I was singing the chorus all day yesterday. The only difference between her and I is that I haven’t made a music video about it…yet. She sorta beat me to the punch on that one. Freakin creative teenagers these days, I’m still with The Groom, and blaming it on the hormones in the chicken.
4. Also during the chorus, she sort of teaches you about the days of the week. This makes me think it would be a good song to play in both Kindergarten and old folk’s homes. You know, to keep em up to date on the days of the week and their progression. There is a 93 year old man somewhere, all sexual excitement aside, that would love to watch that video just for it’s memory retention powers. I say that because once you hear the song once, as Mandy said, you can’t forget it. Not even Alzheimer’s can take it from you, which leads me to believe that Miss Black has stumbled onto some sort of cure.
5. She got a black dude to do a rap solo, a rap solo that will go down as possibly the whitest rap solo since the last time Wayne Brady did…well, anything. Turns out, this dude produces music videos for a bunch of little rich white girls that have daddy’s money but are not yet old enough to sleep their way to the top. In other words, he’s a got dang financial genius. If I was black and seemed harmless to white people, this is EXACTLY how I’d prepare for retirement in today’s crumbling economic development. Dude is probably set for life, and he’s probably banging the moms of all these rich white girls on the side. That’s win win.
6. Finally, I’d like to address the fact that she’s “partyin.” In all seriousness, how lame are 14 year old’s parties? If I ever have to go to one of those when I’m raising kids, I’ll probably fake sick. You can go to exactly 2 places. The skating rink or Incredible Pizza. (For the record, if the party in question is at Incredible Pizza, I’ll go.) All these hormone riddled teens stare awkwardly at one another while the girls talk about how cute the boys are except for that one kid with the acne who’ll later go on to build a space shuttle, and all the boys try not to stand up too quick because they’ve gotten a surprise erection while staring at little Kimmie’s C-cups. I’m telling y’all, IT’S THE CHICKEN. Meanwhile they’re all talking about how lame stuff is, and what they’re going to do on spring break, and how that one kid’s mom is too strict to be a chaperon.
So in closing, did this song need to be made? No. Does it suck harder than a single mom of 3 in a strip club? Yes. But seriously, leave this girl alone. She made a music video. I’ve been planning on making a music video for over a year now, and I haven’t done it. She not only has one upped me in the “gettin stuff done” department, she also probably has already blown my music video out of the water in both quality of the video and quality of auto-tune. Also, she totally had a better music video than you, unless of course you’re any band from the 90’s.
Rebecca Black, you’ll never read this, but if you do, I commend you for what you’ve done. Now. Please stop doing it.
Thanks.
Moog got me started on this, and it’s hard to quit.
We make them over at Big Huge Labs
If you want to pay us for them, head over to his page and give him some money.
Don’t have any money? Well, hows abouts you go vote for him in his little “trying to be a talk show host” thing?
Anyway, here’s today’s offering, courtesy of the building where I work.
I love you guys, and have a great weekend.
“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” -Robert Bloch
It has been a hell of a week. I’ll be back on Monday with a Memoir about Wednesday.
Other than that, here are some pictures to get you through the weekend.
As per usual, I’ve made them over at BigHugeLabs
Yeah… That’s my little brother.
This is what NY TV is like. Honest.
Also, what’s the one song on your iPod you never skip? The answer I like best gets a special shout out on Tuesday!
Mine is Push by Matchbox 20.
That’s all, folks.
Have a great weekend, and get your Memoirs ready for Monday!
Yeah, I got this from Moooooog, but I refuse to call it a meme, because we’re men and we don’t do that shit.
Anyway, we make em over at BigHugeLabs.
Some of you remember that I posted a picture of this sign this past fall. I’m proud to say that this gentleman has a certain, “moxy.”
Then this next one I made in honor of the last season of Lost.
If you don’t know what Lost is, you’re probably on the show. That’s real.
God, I hate that show.
And now, what you’ve all been waiting for, details (deets?) on the TYRA SHOW! Featuring your one favorite bloggy buddy, ME! Oh, and The Missus.
We fly out to New York on Tuesday, and will be taping the show on Wednesday, and then flying back in on Wednesday night. The show is called “The Cheapest Mate In America.”
That’s all I’ve got. Apparently, in the contract that we have to sign, it says that I can’t blog about the show until it airs. So. Rules is rules, even if they infringe ever so slightly on my 1st Amendment rights, much the way I slightly infringe upon a Golden Corral when I visit. Yeah…
Once again I want to give a shout out to Tamara at Cheapskate Mom, who got this whole thing started, and also a shout out to June from 3! A Charm, who sent me a Flip video camera to document my journey! And June, I’m sorry, but I can’t possibly find a miniature donkey, some grape jelly, a Slip & Slide, and a seven iron in just a week. And even if I could, I wouldn’t want to film myself naked on all those things. Sorry about that. Maybe next time?
Folks, last but not least, I want to apologize again for not being around to visit all your blogs. I’ve been a bad Travis, and I know it. Once it gets less crazy, I’ll be back in the middle of things faster than Robert Downey Jr. in a liquor cabinet. Swears.
I love you all, and have a good weekend!
I’ve got some random things here to get you through the weekend. I won’t be around much, kids, because daddy has to work late.
First things first, because he’s my homie.
Kid Funk is on iTunes. That’s right, he is. Just search for “A Morning Grey” and he will pop up. He’d also like me to tell you that every time his song is downloaded, a tree is planted, because he’s a philanthropist like that. He’s blowin up, y’all. And if you think I won’t use his future stardom to promote the heck outta this blog, you’re wrong.
Here is a link to his Myspace Music page.
Secondly,
You may have heard about this video contest going on over at Lee’s place for her soap. I made a commercial, and so did Moog, Ed, and Corrie. Here’s the thing. A month or so ago, things were ROUGH at the Sloat household. Real rough. So rough, we didn’t really have enough money for groceries. Now, I know I could stand to skip a few meals, but we didn’t really want to do that. However, Corrie had a contest for a comment her son made, and I wound up winning it, using, by my standards, what I call “dirty pool.” I won a $50 gift card, which honestly helped us make it through the month, and my faithful voters were supposed to be rewarded. Well, that hasn’t happened yet, and I honestly don’t see it happening anytime real soon. So, in the meantime, I want you to go vote for Corrie in this contest. Her kid made a commercial, and she promised him the $50 prize money for it if he won. Since I have the most LOYAL followers ever, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem, is it? 🙂 Just click the word “Lee’s” up at the top of this rant, then vote in the sidebar. Thanks guys!
Oh, and buy some soap while you’re at it?
And lastly, I have some pictures for you.
I was looking through some gadgets for Blogger the other day, when I ran across this gem. Seriously? Bella Swan quotes? Geez, I need to get this up on my page right away so y’all don’t miss one more days worth of sage advice from this vampire loving emo chick with a penchant for werewolves. Seriously. But yeah. Blogger? You might want to just take this off the list.
Next picture:
That’s right. Think about this tonight and all weekend, ladies. It could be you that I’m hammering. Yeah…
And finally, this is a little something I made you to tide you over just in case that last picture wasn’t enough.
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Have a good weekend, folks. Now go vote!I’ll announce the contest first. I’ve started picking up some new people around this place, and they’re probably all going to leave soon iffen I don’t give something away.
Y’all comment real good though, and that’s the basis of the contest.
I’m going to start taking what I consider to be the five funniest comments each week, placing them in a poll, and letting you guys vote on which ones you think are the funniest. The winner will get a fancy certificate I’m going to make up that will basically say you are the funniest person in exsistance, Dane Cook be damned.
If you win five certificates, I’m going to give you a more tangible award, probably not announced until that happens, and suited to your personal tastes. I guess that’s my way of saying that I will spend money on you. Before you go getting all excited, remember, I got rent and a car payment. And before you go saying, “Well, that’s not bad,” remember that I also have to feed myself.
Yeah. Epic, right?
Anyfat, on to the pictures.
This guy was at a basketball game I went to on Tuesday. He pulled these things out of his POCKET, and started trying to sell them to some guy, and then started trying to tell him how to use them. Yeah, there’s a technique, but geez. Tie your line to it and throw it in the water. You know? It’s not as if it needs to come with a set of instructions. I can only assume that the guy made a sale, because the two rednecks shook hands and parted ways with smiles.
You might want to click that one to make it bigger. (TWSS)
Yeah. Who in THE SWEET BLUE FLYING FUCK asked for this production? I mean, forget TSO or the Mannheim Steamroller or the Nutcracker this holiday season. I’m going to see Legally Blond: The Musical.
Aren’t you? Don’t you want me to try to win you free tickets as well? I mean dang, I think I just found my first prize for the comment contest. Were the movies that good? Did I miss something in them that warranted a Broadway production? I mean, that could be legitimate, because for most of the first one, I had my hand in my pants. And honestly, I thought the whole first movie was actually a sequel to Clueless.
I didn’t catch the second one.
These next few are of me arranging the deer in my brother’s (The Groom) yard.
The first one kind of looks like I’m trying to stimulate the poor buck, and the second kind of looks like I’m joining in on the fun. But the end result was quite hilarious, and the only thing I didn’t do was plug the things in and get a video of it. That’s my bad. I dropped the ball on that one. As of right now, (11 PM) I haven’t heard from my brother, which means he must not know I did it. Seeing as he never reads my blog, I may be in the clear.
And these are of the upcoming Christmas parade in my hometown of less than 500 people. You can bet your sweet ass I will be out there covering it, and will give you a full report plus pictures.
There you have it folks. Hope you enjoyed the pictorial, and for sure, if you have any suggestions on the comment contest, let me know!
I’ll be back tomorrow with Conversation posts, one from Kid Funk, and one from The Missus, and also a picture of me meeting a blog buddy in real life for the first time!
We all know Mooooooooooooog over at Mental Poo, right?
Come on now, I know we might all be a bit embarrassed about it. But we do. And we love him.
Sometimes, we even dream about him. His short, powerful body as he squeezes it into a child’s size karate outfit…
Damn.
Fantasy juice.
He’ll get that. You won’t.
Anyway, I am totally using his idea for Motivational Poster Friday. He apparently made this thing up, and I guess there is someone else using the idea named Mike, and he is not giving our boy any credit. This guy Mike is a doucher. Someone should find his site and go tell him he’s gay.
*raises hand*
“Yes Mr. Sloat?”
“I have the site right here.”
“You do? Would you share it with the class please?”
“I sure will. Just click HERE!”
Anyway, here’s my first one.
In Mooooooog’s words, click to enlarge. (twss)
Don’t you like it? I think I did good. I made it over at Big Huge Labs, just like our boy.
In case you don’t get it, I’ll tell ya.
(It’s cause if you knew Spanish, you could totally tell them to touch your wiener. But you don’t know Spanish, because you spent those two years of classes totally trying to see down your cousins shirt. Wait. That was French. Either way, really.)
I may or may not make a habit of this.
I’m out like a hymen on prom night.
Peace.